sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
