Nicole vs. Life
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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