Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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