god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
