Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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