guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
