i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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