She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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