I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
