Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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