have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
