she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
