So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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