Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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