now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
