I love black thongs
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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