Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
