you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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