How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
