After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
