we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
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Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.