So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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