im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
