The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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