I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize