I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
