Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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