Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
