I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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