just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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