I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
