At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
