I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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