At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You pole danced in your parka.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
