Do you still have your period?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
that's an acceptable place to lick
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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