I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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