speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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