It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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