I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Sober January is a disaster.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
