dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
