At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
