aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
