Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
