My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
