Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
