is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he fucked my hip out of place.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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