I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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