so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
FUCK WHALES
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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