it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
