He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
