I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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