I looked at my own cervix.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
