I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
