The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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