I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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