doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
