Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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