I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
