Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
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I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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