thus making me awesome and them whores
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
