just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize