I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
