Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
