it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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