saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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