You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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