yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
