I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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