nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
