one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
