So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
