My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
