My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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